13 Reasons I Don’t Like Halloween

We've tried the trick-or-treat thing once or twice, and more recently we've gone to harvest parties. This year I'm dressing up as the Halloween Scrooge! BAH HUMBUG! (Actually, this year there's no harvest party so we'll be hiding in the basement having a Movie Night Pajama Party, complete with popcorn.)

  1. The same kids keep coming back, and on the latter visits they shout indignantly, "Hey! That was only one! You gave me three baby Snickers LAST time!"
  2. If I bother taking the kids trick-or-treating, we have to walk half a mile to find a house with the light on. And we live in the city.
  3. Sometime after 10pm, a drunk 18-year-old trick-or-treater who isn't in costume will ring the doorbell and demand candy. It won't matter that the porch light has been off all evening.
  4. There’s not much point to a costume if you have to wear a snowsuit over top of it.
  5. Except there will always be at least one crowd of pre-teen girls roaming the streets without snowsuits, without clothing, too. (Costumed as the Spice Girls?)
  6. However much I enjoyed dressing up as a Hatchet-Murder-Victim in my youth (I was a macabre child), I am disturbed by my own child’s interest in the fake blood and oozing scabs on sale at the grocery store.
  7. The pumpkin three weeks after Halloween, which has frozen and thawed several times and is no longer, ahem, orange.
  8. Candy wrappers in the yard.
  9. The reminders for parents to check their children’s candy carefully for signs of tampering. Or rather, the need to issue such reminders.
  10. How disappointing Halloween must be for those who dress in costume every day.
  11. The whispers I’ve been hearing that local shopping malls will soon be dressing employees in giant pumpkin suits so little children can stand in line to go sit on the pumpkin’s lap and tell him what they want for Halloween.
  12. Tomorrow morning all the stores will trade out their Halloween decorations for Christmas.
  13. A celebration of evil and death and horror. Personally, I don’t think any of those things are worth celebrating. Do you?

Except... Updating now (in 2016!), I have several reasons why I now LOVE Halloween. Want to hear them?

  1. Halloween doesn't have to be a celebration of all things dark. Originally people used it to poke fun at the powers of death, to show that they've gained mastery and victory over them.
  2. Pumpkin seeds are awesome. Pumpkin is delicious. Pumpkin is healthy.
  3. What other holiday celebrates boundless creativity, costumes, and racks upon racks of nearly-free dress-up clothes just in time for Christmas Gift buying? (90% off Halloween costumes make up 100% of our dress-up bin.)
  4. I now live in the country. We get no trick-or-treaters, ever. We drive to a suburb and stand in strangers' driveways enjoying outdoor fires, haunted displays, and Jell-O shots. Yes, some suburbs take Halloween that seriously. And then we go home.
  5. We've learned most good costumes will fit just fine over a snowsuit.
  6. I've written a Halloween picture book! And it's going to be published next year!