It's a Conspiracy

The other night Little Fish was up at 1am; he went back to sleep, but according to Dr. D, he was bright eyed, ready to start his day. I wonder why ...

[cheesy 1970s wavy flashback lines]

Just after midnight, St. Nick slips across the hall to Fish's bedroom. "Psst! Psst! Fish!"

Fish: (Waking) Huh?

St. Nick: Fish, I been thinking ...

Fish: (Sitting up now) Yeah? We gonna raid the candy drawer again? That was fun!

Nick: No, no - all the candy's hidden someplace else. Naw, this is even better!

Fish: (Stands up in his crib - yes, I know he's almost four, but he's moving in December. Really!) Yeah?

(Mud Pie stumbles into the room, dragging her baby doll by the hair.)

Pie: Hey, whas going on? You pulled the candy heist without me. I want in this time!

Nick: (Cackling quietly) Just the girl I want to see. Ok, so here's the deal, tomorrow, you need to start right off demanding your pretty dress.

Pie: But I don't want to wear a dress.

Fish: Me neither!

Nick: (Sighs heavily) Fish, get with it. You're a boy. What you do is don't get dressed at all. Mama will tell you to but you'll sneak from room to room without taking your PJs off. And then you'll hang out in your underwear. And then -

Pie: I still don't want to wear a dress.

Nick: Yeah, but see? That's the beauty! Mama will put you in your dress, and then you'll tell her you don't want it!

Pie: (Narrows her eyes) Yeah? So, what's this for? What's in it for me?

Nick: We're gonna make Mama so nuts she'll kill us!

Fish: (Rattles the bars of his crib) Now hold on, bro, you want Mama to murder us?

Pie: Did you think this through? I don't want Mama to kill anybody.

Nick: (Rolls his eyes) C'mon, it's a speech of figuring! You babies take everything at face value. What I'm saying is, we're gonna make Mama go crazy!

Fish: (Nodding, a grin spreading over his face) I'm liking this - I can work with this.

(Pie flings her baby doll at Fish)

Pie: You just like causing trouble. (To Nick) I want to know what's in it for me.

Nick: (Holds his arms wide) TV, Baby sis, it's all about TV. Drive Mama insane and she'll let us watch all day.

Pie: (Grinning) Brilliant!

(The three lean their heads together, snatches of conversation can be heard.) demand a snack ten minutes after breakfast ... take off you socks and stuff one down the register ... use rakes as swords and pogo sticks ... change your outfit without asking, every two hours! ... stick train track in the DVD player, oh! and DVDs in the VCR! ... synchronized toilet flushing ... ask for applesauce at lunch then paint the table with it! ... complain about dinner! Fish: what's so strange about that? Nick: start at 9am! Pie: oooooohhh, goooood idea!!

Dr. D: (Groggy) Wha? Is Fish up?

Mom: Ughrfjoghfgh ... zzzzzzzz.

(Dr. D rises to check; the kids scuttle back to their beds.)

No wonder Fish was so wide awake.

Update: it's now 3pm. I'm bribing them with bowls of Froot Loops to just please go watch TV. Please? They've accomplished crazy ...